15 Things You Should NEVER Say to a New Mom
“You Look Tired”
This one is just plain rude! She knows she looks tired…try saying “Can I offer you some extra time and watch the baby for a few hours?” She’ll be eternally grateful for the offer and hopefully get some extra shut eye.
“Is She A Good Baby?”
There are no bad babies!! There are more challenging babies that have unique needs. Let’s stop implying that babies are bad because they cry more than others. More on that here.
“When I Had My Baby….”
Unsolicited advice comes in by the boatload when you have a baby. It’s as if people forget about common courtesy the moment you bring a new human into the world. Even if you think you’re coming from a good place, don’t give advice unless a new mama specifically asks.
“Are You Breastfeeding?”
The same goes for “Why aren’t you breastfeeding?” Not your breasts, not your business! Fed is best and unless Mom wants to talk about her feeding journey it’s not up for discussion.
“Can We Come See the Baby?!”
This one comes with a caveat: You CAN come and see the baby BUT bring food, coffee, her favorite snacks, a cleaning service…you get the picture. Don’t show up empty-handed and expect your new mom friend to play hostess, she just wants to drink a hot cup of coffee or shower uninterrupted.
“I’ll Just Stay With You When I Visit”
Unless you’re planning on getting up with the baby for his 2am feeding it’s probably best to stay elsewhere if you’re coming from out of town. Exceptions to this are usually immediate family because they offer a helping hand. But, never assume that you can just stay in the guest bedroom.
“You Seem Anxious/Stressed”
Yes, she probably is anxious, stressed and exhausted. She may even be suffering from the baby blues (up to 80% of moms experience this) or PPD. She’s a new mom who is the main provider for a life she just created with her body. Try asking her if she would like you to do anything for her to help ease her worries. Sometimes even just a hug and a “good job, Mom” is all she needs to get through her day. She’s still learning the ropes of motherhood—be her advocate. And, if she is suffering from PPD, be supportive and encourage her to seek help from a professional.
“Wow, You’ve Already Lost the Baby Weight!” or “How Long Until You Lose the Baby Weight?”
A mother’s appearance after baby isn’t what’s important, and we shouldn’t be measuring her by her “bounce back.” Society has put ridiculous standards on whatMom thinks she should look like post-baby, so don’t fuel the fire. Her body has gone through a dramatic transformation. Let’s celebrate it for all it’s done and not what it used to look like.
“Letting Your Baby Cry Is Good for Them”
While in fact it is good for babies to cry right out of the womb to clear their lungs, it is not good for newborns to be left to cry. These cries are a call for help…they need to fed, changed or just held.
“You Hold Your Baby Too Much”
Similar to our point above, people seem to think you can “spoil” a baby by holding them often. Babies NEED to be held and touched. Researchers studied the long-term effects of touch in preemies and found that babies who had received at least 1 hour of skin-to-skin daily for at least two weeks scored higher on mental and motor tests by 6 months of age.
“What Do You Mean You Can’t Come to Dinner at 8pm?”
It is true that newborns sleep a lot, pretty much anywhere…but schlepping your baby, stroller and 30 lbs of gear isn’t an easy feat. Most of the time Mom will have to walk around bouncing the baby, trying to calm her baby and not get to eat dinner when it arrives.
“Can’t You Just Get A Babysitter?”
If you don’t want to bring the baby, getting a sitter sounds like the easy solution, right? Not so fast…finding reliable and trustworthy help can be extra challenging especially if family isn’t nearby. It takes a lot of trial and error to find the right fit for your family.
“What Does It Look Like Down There?”
No words for this one…just please don’t ask.
“Ready for Another One?”
“No. I just birthed this one, thanks.” Mom is in her fourth trimester and needs to learn how to navigate the waters of new mommyhood and heal before even considering thinking about another baby.
“You’re Already Going Out?!”
Chrissy Teigen came under fire when she went out to dinner with her husband soon after delivering her second child. Just because someone is a mother doesn’t mean she can no longer socialize…she was her own individual before becoming a mom.
Bottom line: New moms have a lot of hurdles to face. Offer positive messages and support for her during this big transition in her life, not judgmental comments and questions (no matter how helpful you think they are).
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