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Real talk: It’s difficult to tell your mom, who graciously offered to babysit, that she can’t drape a blanket over your baby on a chilly day…even though that’s what she did when you were little. It’s uncomfortable to tell your dad he can’t nap on the sofa with your newborn—or tell your highly-recommended babysitter she can’t put your baby to sleep on their tummy. But you must…here’s why: Nearly 14% of babies who die in their sleep are being watched by someone other than parents.  

And of those tragic deaths that happened under someone else’s supervision, babies in the care of a friend or relative were more likely to be found on their back or side, in an unsafe sleep space (such as a couch or adult bed), or with objects in their sleep space.  

While it takes a village to keep babies safe during sleep, we know it can be awkward to have these difficult conversations. That’s why we’re here to help you find the right words.

Questions to Ask Your Childcare Provider

Before embarking on a relationship with a new provider—whether it’s a relative or someone you’re paying to employee—it’s a good idea to make sure that you’re on the same page about sleep. 

Here are some questions to ask:

  • Can I see your sleeping arrangements for babies?
  • Do you ever use blankets, pillows, stuffed animals, or bumpers in the crib?
  • How do you put babies down for sleep?
  • What do you do when babies fall asleep in the car seat, a swing, or a bouncy seat?
  • Will the baby ever be around anyone who is smoking or vaping?
  • Do you know how to use the baby’s swaddle or wearable blanket?

Script for Sharing Your Safe-Sleep Instructions

When you put your baby in someone else’s care, you can always point them to the ABC’s of safe sleep (Alone, on the Back, in a Crib or other firm, flat surface), or even share our safe sleep 101 guide, or list of caregiver resources.

And for extra help, go ahead and use this script: 

Thank you so much for watching [BABY NAME]! There have been so many safe-sleep developments over the past several years, I want to quickly go over them to make sure we are on the same page. Making sure that [BABY NAME] is safe while sleeping is pretty easy. Always place them to sleep on their back, in an empty crib or bassinet with a firm and flat mattress. That means no blankets, pillows, bumpers, or loveys in the crib. And if [BABY NAME] ever falls asleep in the swing/bouncy seat/car seat, please move them to the crib. I know this may be different from what you’re used to, so don’t hesitate to text or call if you have any questions!

How to Handle Back-Sleeping Pushback

Hey, we know relationships are complicated—especially familial ones. If you do encounter pushback on your sleep practices (especially around back-sleeping), here are some go-to responses that will allow you to make your wishes heard (without rocking the boat!):

“I put you to sleep on your tummy, and you were fine!”

I know you were following the best advice available to you at the time. But today, we know that nearly half of all babies who die in their sleep are discovered on their bellies. Putting babies to sleep on their back has cut the rate of infant sleep deaths in America by half. 

“The baby will choke on their back!”

Don’t worry! Back-sleep is recommended even for babies with reflux. When tummy-sleeping, babies are more likely to aspirate or choke since anything they spit-up in this position can pool at the opening of their trachea.

"The baby’s more comfy on their belly!”

Sleeping on the tummy can be super-comfortable for lots of babies...but that doesn’t make it safe. In fact, it’s thought that some infants sleep so soundly on their bellies that it can make it way harder for them to wake if they’re roll in a dangerous position.

“The baby is fine on their tummy at my house!”  

Babies who usually sleep on their backs, but are occasionally placed on their tummies for a nap or a nighttime sleep are at very high risk for infant sleep death! It’s extremely important that everyone who cares for the baby always places them on their back for sleep.

More on Sleep Safety:

Disclaimer: The information on our site is NOT medical advice for any specific person or condition. It is only meant as general information. If you have any medical questions and concerns about your child or yourself, please contact your health provider.