Going to your baby every time she cries will spoil her?

NO – Rather than getting spoiled, young babies who are attended to each time they cry become secure and confident in the love of those around them! Remember, in the uterus, babies are held, jiggled and shushed 24 hours a day, so from their point of view even being cuddled 16 hours a day is a huge cutback.

14 Responses to “Going to your baby every time she cries will spoil her?”

  1. shabba Says:

    I have a friend who tries to let her son cry it out and it breaks my heart. They think he might have colic and they are doing their best. But I keep telling her its ok to come to him when he cries because then he learns that he can feel secure in their love.

  2. Cynthia Says:

    Yes Ive been told by some friends that its ok sometimes to just let them cry but who can really do that Especially if youre dealing with something like colic. They need to be soothed, and crying is their bodies way of telling you whats up since they cant yet use words.

  3. DinaDee Says:

    my husband and i actually had the gall to try that for a few days. not always running to the baby when she started crying. it made me feel nuts. luckily we were in the process of reading the happiest baby and not only did we learn everything we needed to know about colic but we ALSO learned that its ok to comfort your baby when shes crying as much as you want to. i knew my maternal instincts were kicking in for a reason.

  4. FHS-4801 Says:

    I think your baby needs to be attended to as much as you can.. Because having the baby know that you’re always going to be there for him/her, builds the babies confidence in your love for them so they don’t grow to feel neglected and not cared for.

  5. MJ Gaduet Says:

    I want to share my experience. As a new Mom in the mid sixties, all I had every heard of was, “Don’t spoil your baby.” Fortunately, a doctor set me straight. “You can’t spoil an infant!! Your heart will guide you. A baby who is picked up and carried when crying will come to feel they can trust!!! This is the first developmental need all humans have. Believe me there will be enough times when you can not do this and it is crazy to stand by and deliberately let a baby cry it out.

    I read tons of books and still do, and I have never regretted my parenting. My adult kids have lots of self confidence and have moved all over the world without the fear some people have. Is there a connection? I think so. The great Margaret Mead agrees. I lost a lot of sleep when my kids were little, but not when they were older. It is worth all the exhausting moments.

    Oh and by the way, my kids slept with us a lot!!!

  6. Dr_Karp Says:

    I agree!

  7. Dr_Karp Says:

    Many parents find that when they use the snug swaddling, white noise for sleep/crying…and sometimes the swing (if the baby REALLY loves big movement)…they can stop the acid reflux medicine…most studies show babies don’t need medicine if they are growing well.
    Dr. Karp

  8. Dr_Karp Says:

    Hi Roger,
    The Happiest Toddler is designed for kids 8mo-5yrs, so your little guy is still a bit too young. But, I recommend using the swaddling for at least 4 months and the right type of rough white noise for at least the first year! And, I would make sure to always put him to bed awake (if he falls asleep in your arms…that’s fine…but wake him up a little bit when you place him to in the crib). If he fusses you can jiggle the crib a little until he calms. By doing these things he should naturally learn to self calm.

  9. Heather Says:

    I came across “The Happiest Baby” in the bookstore. I picked it up for idle perusal and found myself buying it a few minutes later. Not only did the cuddle cure work marvelously but it was the first parenting books I read that actually comforted me and made me feel like a good parent. I often let the baby sleep with me because she wouldn’t sleep any other way. I always felt so guilty about doing it. The other books I read talked about the importance of responding to baby’s cries and in the next sentence – you should let the baby “cry it out” and you shouldn’t let the baby sleep with you.
    I am a nurse practitioner and though I don’t treat young children – I do treat their tired and overwhelmed parents and I will definitely recommend this book!!

  10. Dr_Karp Says:

    Hi Heather,

    Thanks so much! I really appreciate your comments, especially since you are a medical professional…AND a moms. When you recommend this approach to parents, the best way to learn it is by watching the Happiest Baby DVD…it is just 30 minutes and helps parents get the technique exactly right (and teach it to other family members) + using our specially engineered CD of white noise (for al naps/nights for the entire first year) . There are now over 2500 Happiest Baby educators and they give the DVD + CD to parents for free.
    I hope you take a look at The Happiest Toddler DVD/book later on…it does for kids 8 months- years what the baby work does for the little guys.

    Happy New Year! Dr. Karp

  11. Dalimar Cerezo Says:

    HI Dr. Karp! I can’t say how happy I am that I attended the first session at the grand opening of Destination Maternity and was able to learn so much. I don’t know if you remember that I asked at the end about your feelings on CIO as my husband and his family have this perception of spoiling babies with responding to them after every cry and not letting me hold the baby too much. Well I showed them the wonderful free cd/dvd you provided and I also bought the Toddler one because we have a 3 year old at home as well and I am just very pleased with finally finding a good middle ground for me and my husband with your approach! Thank you so much for taking the time to come and show us moms what can truly work and differentiate between other techniques out there such as babywise.

  12. Dr_Karp Says:

    Hi Dalimar, I am so glad you came, too! I’m glad you and your husband are working on a happy medium…parenting is a challenge and we all want to do it well and avoid problems later on. As I told you at the meeting, there will be a time to enforce discipline and limits…just not yet. I hope you have fun with “toddler-ese,” “gossiping,” “playing the boob,” etc. Best, Dr. Karp

  13. ENIYE Says:

    I find this very touching. I tought letting them cry would make them more confident in themselves though its hard to watch them cry. I have learnt so much and I wouldn’t let my baby cry a single tear without carrying him up

  14. Dr_Karp Says:

    Hi Irine,
    Sounds frustrating, but it should be pretty easy to get on track.
    First, if he is not having periods of good eating and alertness during the day you need to call your doctor right away. Otherwise using the 5 S’s (as shown on our Happiest baby DVD…and reading the chapter on newborn sleep in my sleep book – specifically about using swaddling and the best white noise and then waking him up when you place him into the bassinet will probably help the most (I know it sounds crazy to do…but it you do it correctly it will really help your baby learn to sleep bette!).

    I hope that helps,
    Dr. K

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