Challenging temperament?

Anyone who has been lucky enough to spend time around infants knows that caring for some babies is like riding a merry-go-round and for others it’s like riding…a roller coaster! What makes some children so volatile and challenging? Is it some fundamental error committed by their parents or are some babies just natural-born screamers?

Nature versus Nurture – What determines your baby’s personality?

As a boy handed his father a report card of all F’s, he lowered his head and asked in a quiet voice, “Father, do you think my trouble is my heredity…or my parenting?”

For generations, people have debated what predicts a child’s temperament. Is it determined by her genetic gifts (nature) or is her personality gradually molded by her parents (nurture)?

A thousand years ago, leading scholars believed temperament was transferred into babies by the milk they were fed. That’s why ancient baby experts warned parents never to give their baby milk from an animal or from a wet nurse with a weak mind, poor scruples or a crazy family.

Today, it is widely accepted that although we are each a complex mosaic of our home, genes, health, diet and luck, within that mosaic many qualities of our personalities are direct genetic “hand-me-downs” from our parents. For this reason shy parents usually have shy children and passionate parents tend to have babies who are little chili peppers.

Many of today’s experts agree the root cause of a baby’s colicky outbursts can be the challenging temperament that she inherited from her parents. However, let’s take a closer look at what temperament is and see why, even though it may contribute to colic…it’s not the main cause.

Temperament – The sea your child sails on

Your baby is like a boat; her temperament the sea she sails on. If the sea is smooth (she has a calm temperament) and her boat is stable (a good self-calming ability) it will be easy for her to keep her balance and sail smoothly through infancy.

However, if the sea is rocky (she has a challenging temperament), or the boat is particularly unstable (a poor self-calming ability), she’s in danger of getting tossed about and knocked off her feet. Once children get older and their self-calming ability becomes as stable as ocean liners, the turbulence of their passions is no longer such an overpowering experience.

Luckily, most babies are mild tempered and easy to calm. They’re like sweet little lambs who are almost always in a good mood. But, some are more challenging. Rather than being docile lambs, they’re a mix of skittish deer and bucking broncos!

These excessively sensitive and/or intense babies are engaged in a daily struggle just to keep their balance during their first months.

Let’s now take a closer look to see if you can recognize your baby’s temperament…

Easy-Tempered Babies – “Mary had a little lamb…”

Mild and mellow from the first moments of life, rather than scream at her birth, an easy baby might shyly fuss, as if to say, “Please Mummy, it’s a teensy bit too bright in here!”

Some babies have terrific state control and are great self-calmers. These easy going little “surfer dudes” can take all the craziness of the world in stride.

Another easy group of babies, are those whose temperament is more challenging but whose self-calming ability is so great they can quickly calm down from any upset.

However, babies who are very sensitive or intense (or, Heaven help you…both) and who have poor self-calming may not be able to keep calm as the combined chaos and stillness of the world crash into them – like dual tidal waves.

Infants With Challenging Temperament – Little babies with big personalities

Two types of temperament can be particularly challenging for parents to handle: sensitive and intense.

Sensitive Babies – Perceptive infants who can be as fragile as crystal

Of course, we all know that some people are much more sensitive than others.

One person can sleep with the TV on while another is annoyed by any little sound.

When you look carefully, you may even notice little signs of your newborn’s level of sensitivity: such as, jumping when the telephone rings, grimacing at the taste of lanolin on your nipple or turning his head to the smell of your breast.

Sensitive babies are wide-eyed and super-alert; their reactions to the world are as transparent and pure as crystal. But like crystal, sensitive infants may be fragile and require extra care. They are so open to everything around them they can easily become overloaded. Even their own cries even nudge them into stronger screams.

Intense Babies – A cross between passionate…and explosive

Throughout your baby’s normal waking and sleeping cycles, he’s bound to experience tiny flashes of frustration, annoyance and discomfort. Calm babies handle these with hardly a fuss, but if your baby is intense he’s going to experience them intensely! It’s as if the “sparks” of every day distress fall onto the “dynamite” of your baby’s volatile temperament and “KAPOW!!” he explodes.

When babies lose control like that, they may get so carried away that they can’t stop screaming even when they’re given exactly what they want.

What’s your baby’s temperament?

Even on the first days of your baby’s life, you can get glimpses of his budding temperament. The answers to these questions may help you determine if your child’s temperament is more peaceful or passionate:

1) Do bright lights, wet diapers, or cold air make your baby lightly whimper or full-out scream?

2) When you lay him down on his back, do his arms usually rest serenely at his sides or flail about?

3) Does he startle easily at loud noises and sudden movements?

4) When he’s hungry, does he slowly get fussier and fussier or does he accelerate immediately into strong wailing?

5) When he’s eating, is he like a little “wine taster” (calmly taking sips) or more like an “all-you-can-eater” (slurping the milk down with speedy precision)?

6) Once he works herself into a vigorous cry, how hard is it for you to get his attention? How long does it take to get him to settle back down?

These hints can’t perfectly predict your child’s life-long temperament, but they can help you begin the exciting journey of getting to know and love his uniqueness.

Do A Baby’s Traits Of Temperament Last A Lifetime?

As babies grow up, they don’t get less intense or sensitive but they do develop other skills to help themselves balance their temperaments and better cope with the world. By 3 months, they begin to smile, coo, roll, grab and chew. And shortly thereafter, they add the extraordinarily effective stress-releasing techniques of laughter, mouthing objects, crawling and shouting.

With time, they develop enough control over their immature bodies to allow them to direct the same zest into their giggles and belly laughs that used to spill out into their shrieks. Passionate infants often turn into kids who are the biggest laughers and most talkative members of the family. (“Hey Mom, look! LOOK! It’s incredible!”) Likewise, sensitive infants often grow up into compassionate and perceptive children. (“No Mom, it’s not purple. It’s lavender.”).

So, if you have a challenging baby, please don’t lose heart. These kids often become the sweetest and most enthusiastic children on the block!