Why is a 2-year-old’s tantrum so difficult to curtail?

Why is a 2-year-old’s tantrum so difficult to curtail? Because toddlers are more like pint-size cavemen than civilized people, says Harvey Karp, M.D., a pediatrician in Santa Monica, CA, and the bestselling author of The Happiest Baby on the Block. In his new book, The Happiest Toddler on the Block, to be published in March, Dr. Karp discusses how, instead of treating toddlers as though they’re small adults, parents should think of themselves as ambassadors from the 21st century negotiating with a visitor from the Neanderthal clan.

To be a skilled ambassador, it helps to speak the native tongue. Traditional ways of talking to older kids won’t work on toddlers when they’re feeling miserable. That’s because they don’t understand logic. Instead, use short phrases, repetition, emphasis of key words, and gesturing, suggests Dr. Karp. Feeling understood goes a long way toward helping a toddler calm down.

Like early man, your toddler is intelligent. But that doesn’t mean you can’t end an uncivilized outburst with a bit of trickery. Acting like a goofball is another good way to turn your child’s mood around. Try being clumsy (falling off your chair), slow (making mistakes counting to five), or weak (if she pushes you away, pretend it sends you reeling across the room). “Even defiant toddlers take pity on us if we seem klutzy,” says Dr. Karp. “This technique turns power struggles into laughter.”

If silliness doesn’t work, try feigning gossip about your child. “Kids love to overhear anything that’s being said about them,” he says. And like adults, they believe things they overhear more than the things they’re told to their faces. Loudly whisper an intriguing message about your cave-child to someone else (like a teddy bear) or pretend to call a friend with some news about him. His curiosity may stop the tantrum in its tracks.

Posted at Child.com